Canvey’s Triffids

ISLANDERS’ ATTENTION this week has been focused upon the perennial problem of weeds. The Echo devoted a column (fast becoming a habit) to Dave Blackwell, Canvey Island Independent Party leader, posing for the newspaper’s photographer amongst long grass and the offending triffids as they encroached upon the driveway to an island garage.

It appears that this year’s variety of stringy green invaders are too dangerous for residents to approach – let alone engage in mortal combat. Even the mercenary army, Pinnacle, is refusing to engage them in battle without further danger money for their soldiers.

The aliens are reported to be marching upon the area around the garages in Little Gypps Road; the pavements in Rainbow Road, Dovervelt Road and Larrup Avenue. Even the town centre is under attack.

Blackwell has appealed for reinforcements from Essex County Council; but his messenger, Brian Wood, has been unable to get through. Furthermore, it is understood that Castle Point Borough Council has been forced to withdraw its troops from defending council housing estates against the advancing enemy.

Colin MacLean, of the Methane, Mud and Memories battalion, sent a scouting party out to Maurice Road in an attempt to discover the enemy’s strength; but was forced to return without any prisoners. Heckled as a coward by armchair generals, it is not clear if Colin is now in any mood to make a further attempt.

The latest drone’s photograph (inset), taken during Canvey’s monsoon period earlier this week, shows that the second echelon of the triffid’s army is content to camp in Maurice Road while it is delivered supplies from the air.

While residents wait in trepidation, the enemy gathers in size and strength…